Princess Fergie

(this one is for Carmen)

Is it just me, or does Fergie's new song sound totally like it belongs in a Disney movie? You know the type of song I mean: there's a point in every Disney film when the hero or heroine stands alone and sings at the sky about how "Now is the time!" "I'm finding my dream!" "My destiny is here!" She'll be a Part of Your World! Actually, it's A Whole New World! There's *more* than This Provincial Life!

Anyways, this Fergie song is clearly one of those. Seriously, look at the lyrics:

Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though it will have a different set
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
Its the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

OK, there's that bit about "Fronting like it didn't matter," but maybe this is from a new Disney film, the first one set in a modern era? Fergie, a beautiful orphaned (Duh, Disney of course she's an orphan) street urchin from the hood, finds out she's really the long-lost granddaughter of Rupert Landsdowne Worthington III, and is plucked from her colorful street life to go to Halston Hall Academy in Connecticut.

Can she adjust to a new life full of strange customs and not eating? Is she tough enough to stand up to Blaine and Lizette, the Queen Bees of the school? And just when she finally thinks she's won the heart of Lincoln Stallworth, it turns out his rhymes-with-witch stepmother actually is a witch, and has cast a spell over the city council to turn Princess Fergie's old neighborhood into a high-rise condo development, leaving her old friends homeless. Then Lincoln and Fergie have to win over Blaine and Lizzette so they can steal the magic Gucci clutch that's the source of his step-mother's powers.

I would totally go see that.