Market competition should be a good thing for the consumer, right? So why is it that despite the fact that I have two cable companies competing for my business, I want to drive a nail through my brain?

We're moving. LawyerMan and I finally found a house, and have assumed mountains of debt. In the big list of things that have to get done, setting up new utilities has been assigned to my list. So I called AT&T MediaOne and RCN, the two providers who serve the new house, to see what service plans they have.

Unfortunately, they're not allowed to tell me.

No, I'm serious. The conversation with RCN went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'm moving and I want find out what your rates are at my new address. Can you send me a brochure?

RCN Voicemail: Let me transfer you 20 times

Me: Hi, I'm moving and I want find out what your rates are at my new address. Can you send me a brochure?

RCN: Do you want to sign up for pay-per-view?

Me: No, I'm moving and I want find out what your rates are at my new address. Can you send me a brochure?

Eventually this gets me a person who says "well, I can tell you rates over the phone, here write this down…"

Me: No, I'd rather just get a brochure in the mail please.

RCN: We're not allowed to do that.

Me: what?

RCN: We don't have any brochures.

Me: Are you kidding? You have nothing on paper to send me?

RCN: No.

Me: OK, um, yeah, give me the rates I guess. (scribbles furiously)

Me: So, I'm not going to be moving for a month or so. These rates will be available then, right?

RCN: Oh, no, they change all the time. You should keep calling back.


But wait, the AT&T conversation is even worse.


Me: Hi, I'm moving and I want find out what your rates are at my new address. Can you send me a brochure?

AT&T/MediaOne: What's your phone number?

Me: XXX-XXX-XXXX, but that's where I am now, I want to know the rates for the new house.

ATT/MO: Can you confirm the address and name on that account please?

Me: Yeah here it is (name and address), but that's where I am now, I want to know the rates for the new house.

ATT/MO: For ID purposes, can you give us the last 4 digits of the Social Security number on the account?

Me: No. It's my husband's name, and I don't have it here at work, and what difference does it make? I'm not making any change to that account, I want information on my new address.

ATT/MO: It's just procedure ma'am. (types furiously) OK, I think I can talk to you without that. But I'm not really supposed to.

Me: Thanks. So, can you send me a brochure please?

ATT/MO: No. You can look up information on our web site. It's much faster.

Me: But it doesn't have all the information on the web site. Can't you just mail it to me?

ATT/MO: Well, I can't mail you information about your new address to this address. You live in Cambridge. I can send you information about Cambridge rates...

Me: Yes, I know that, but I'm moving and I want to know the information for that town.

ATT/MO: I can't do that.

Me: That makes no sense.

ATT/MO: Lady, let me try to explain this to you, the system won't let me …

Me: Can't you just pretend I don't have an account with you already, and send me the information?

ATT/MO: (shocked) I can't pretend!

Me: Sigh.

Me: Is there anywhere I can get this information?

ATT/MO: You can go to our web site, it has all the information

Me: No it doesn't! Why won't you just send me a brochure.

ATT/ MO: Well, this is company procedure ma'am.

Me: What, irritating you customers is procedure? Well, job well done.

(Repeat both conversations a dozen times, with customer service reps, sales managers, and a very confused delivery guy).

At this rate, I'm thinking a nice radio will do the trick.