test

This is a testy test.

I keep thinking that this is an opportunity for change. As part of my aforementioned massive laziness; I would have happily kept doing the same thing, as long as it worked, for as long as I could. I am not the sort of person who would seek out the new, and as long as the current was acceptable. So having change forced on me is really the only way it was going to occur.

And I am, I admit, extremely lucky to have the luxury of having the choice. I do realize that most people in this situation don't have that; that for them, this would be a heart-stopping, terrifying situation. I don't want to be one of those Caitlin Flanagan, conflicted housewives people. I am fortunate, *we* are fortunate, that this is more of a minor inconvenience (and in some ways not even that -- it's good to have one person free to deal with all the random life stuff.)

That said, it was not my choice to have a choice. I did not choose my choice, to quote Charlotte. But now that I'm faced with it, I'm wondering what I will do.

library thoughts

Why are the books on the "to be shelved" carts so much more interesting than everything else? Why do all the chick-lit books have women's feet on the cover? Seriously, if the cover shows a woman from the waist down, I can guarantee its a "hilarious romp about one woman's quest to rescue her life *and* find love!"

Also. I realize I am prone to irrational grouchiness about certain unimportant things. However, there is a protocol that's observed when two people are both looking at the same set of shelves in the "new books" section: you both take a step back, and stand at an angle at either side of the shelves, so neither is blocking the other person's view. This applies to you, pom-pom hat wearing woman (which, seriously? You're not 5.) You do NOT stand directly in front of the shelves, and make people peer around you while closely examining every single book on the shelf, and rejecting them all in favor of a fantasy/romance featuring a knight in green armor and an elf woman.

I can kind of see how you get used to this; how you slip into a routine of gym, errands, picking kids up and dropping them off her and there. Of course, it's only been a few days, and there's been a backlog of errands to keep me busy, and I'm still so grateful for the relaxation that its kind of like a vacation. I sat on the couch today for an hour and read a book! Heavenly! I always used to put it exercising, or do shortened workout because I was "so busy" but really it was because I hate it; left without that excuse I'm doing more, though I still can't say I enjoy it. But I've found that I will run longer if it means I get to watch the end of that episode of the "West Wing" I tivoed, so, Aaron Sorkin, my fat ass thanks you.

But what worries me, what nags at the back of my mind, is that drawn out loneliness I remember from when they were babies, wandering around aimlessly pushing a stroller, chained to this small thing that I loved, yes, but offered no mental stimulation and prevented even the tiniest bit of self-involvement.

Today, bizarrely enough, I ended up making latkes for the pre-school Hanukkah party; which is amusing to those who know me and my complete lack of any Jewish skills. That's all LawyerMan's responsibility -- I think I've learned more through the Jewish pre-school then the Heffalump has. I'm still occasionally stymied when she'll ask me about some holiday, and I um and uh, and "ask your father."

I have no idea why I'm writing this. I suppose I'm afraid that my writing skills will shrivel up from lack of use (not that we're talking brilliant prose here) and I've found I can no longer write longhand; too many years at a computer have made this the only way I can get thoughts out.